Memoirs of a shanker
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First of all, for those non-golfers reading this, let me explain. A shank is a golf shot (with an iron club) which comes off the hosel. This is the part of the club which is neither head or shaft, just an evil addition contributed by golfing equipment manufacturers. The resulting shot shoots off almost sideways, generally into an unplayable position that you have never even considered at the point of address. So much for the technicalities, so here is my story.
At the end of my footballing career I tried out this crazy game of golf, and soon was hooked after hitting a few good shots. Didn’t know if I was left or right handed at the time, it felt so strange trying to hit that little white ball that didn’t move, so why did I miss it? Anyway, I eventually became a member at Outlane Golf Club at the ripe old age of 34, and tried my best for the next 30 odd years. Starting off at a handicap of 24 (that was the maximum then) I soon reduced that to 14 with what little natural talent I had (mainly based on my cricketing history). Over the next few years I actually got down to 7 (without a lesson I may add!), if only for a week, after my best ever return of 67 gross. Generally I then fluctuated between 8 and 10. I also managed to get 5 hole-in-one’s – how did I manage that when I couldn’t hit an iron? Well, one of them was on a downhill par 4 with a 3 wood! (see below).
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However, it was not all plain sailing. After the long cold winters with temporary greens and tees we all looked forward to the new season in springtime. Strangely, this seemed to be the signal for my shots to start going sideways, and usually left me playing catch-up for a couple of months until it mysteriously vanished as quick as it came. If I survived the early rounds of knock-outs I was in with a chance. I finally succumbed to having a lesson with the professional at Bradley Park, John Ambler. My problem was not just with the short shots (which is common) – every club in the bag from the 3 iron upwards suffered the same fate. He explained that there were two ways to shank – the swing is either in to out or out to in. After watching me hit a few shots he came to the decision that I was doing both, and he hadn’t got a clue how to fix it!
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And so the pattern continued, although I did manage to win several competitions in my non-shanking windows. It is very frustrating as all sufferers will testify, but my nadir (lowest point) came on a once-in-a-lifetime golfing trip to Myrtle Beach, South Carolina. I had arranged the 2 week break for a party of 16 golfers and wives, with 8 rounds of golf on the most spectacular, wonderful courses I had ever seen. Every one seemed better than the last, truly a golfing Disneyworld.
What happened? I hit ever drive 250 yards down the middle, then EVERY iron shot went sideways from a perfect position either left into an alligator infested lake or pulled to the right (compensating) into a clump of prickly bushes inhabited by venomous snakes. I finished up buying a 7 wood (would be a rescue club now) without a hosel, to hit every shot from 160 yards to 20 yards from the green. It was the only time that I have ever cried on a golf course! I had bought a brand new set of Titleist blacks to replace my old pinseeker clubs (bought a few at a time from a catalogue), but 12 months on they were traded in with hardly a mark on the centre of the club face. Then I gave up golf for 6 months.
Since I have retired to Spain (to live on a golf course) I have had success on occasions, and often misery, as my problem has never left me. If anyone tells you that they have ‘the secret’ don’t believe them – relief is only temporary. I never practice now, I have found that hitting great shots on the range doesn’t transfer to the course (for me anyway). Why leave all your good shots there? Save them for when you need them. I work my strategy out lying in bed, thinking the swing – well, it is less tiring! Try listening to your partners also – Chris McAllister gave me 2 swing thoughts stood on the first tee and they worked – he didn’t know I was listening. As I have said though, no secret ever lasts! Even Chris is not immune to the dreaded lucy locket – this is how it gets you………………
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I have reflected on my golfing career at this moment as , despite my troubles, in my 70th year I have just had the most amazing 10 months of my golfing life. In August I unexpectedly won my 2nd major at Condado de Alhama, President’s Day, which is surely one of the top competitions. (4 years earlier I won the Anniversary Pairs Trophy with Robin Wilson). October saw the only time that our top competition (the Viking Cup) was played as a major, with 46 players from UK & Ireland facing the same number from Scandinavia. I was very proud to collect the trophy as captain of the European side. December was a good month, winning the monthly edition of the Apollo Air Trophy (basically our monthly medal) and the Clover Xmas Cup. Not finished yet, in March a 4 man team of myself, Barry Answer, Daniel Don and Steve Bell won the Celebrity-Am Texas Scramble at Camposol Golf Club. And the piece de resistance came in June, when I finally won Captain’s Day ( a dream I have always had). And to top off a fantastic year, I was elected as lifetime vice president of the Condado de Alhama Golf Society at the AGM in March. What a year, it can’t be repeated, so I will just coast along in my final golfing years enjoying the company, sunshine and beer and waiting for my handicap to go back up!
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Viking Cup, Presidents Cup, Xmas Cup, Apollo Air, Captains Cup, Celebrity-Am Texas Scramble
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A shanker is never cured – relief is temporary. Like an alcoholic, just get through one day at a time. It seems unbelievable that only 12 months ago I would not put my name down for a pairs or team event so as not to let my partners down. All I wanted was to compete and avoid embarrassment. But the cycle continues, and the highs and lows must be enjoyed and accepted as they come along. At the present moment, the magic has gone again!
