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Archive for November, 2014

on the 9th it was umbrellas up................

on the 9th it was umbrellas up…………….

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This week we had only 31 players, maybe a combination of the weather, the format or a lack of visitors on site. The weather indeed, was not kind, with a couple of heavy showers in the middle of the round making the golfers contemplate an early return to the bar. However, the majority completed and put in their scorecards with 6 playing to their handicap or better.

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1st division

1st    Peter Beatt…………………….70

2nd Fred Twomey…………………72

2nd division

1st    Brian Walker……………………70

2nd  Phil Mather………………….73

Ladies

1st   Kam Cheema………………..70

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Peter was the winner.......... again!

Peter was the winner………. again!

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Brian won division 2.............

Brian won division 2………….

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and Kam was also on the podium again..........

and Kam was also on the podium again……….

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Well done Phil Mather who won the wooden spoon with 15 points on his last outing, now on the podium! Also it looks like Peter Beatt’s lessons at Hacienda del Alamo have paid off, winner two weeks running! Not everyone had a good day, however.

Mick Parsons had an enormous slice of luck on hole 10 (which most players would say should be stroke one). His topped drive skimmed across the lake with 3 bounces, and somehow finished on the top of the banking just in bounds. There his luck ended though, with an awful stance on the bank he pulled his next into the middle of the lake (justice?). From there it did not get better – below see him playing his 8th shot from the fairway bunker from an impossible lie. Needless to say, the shot finished back in the bottom of the bunker. Credit to Mick though, he managed to single putt for an 11!

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now how do you play this one especially when it is your eighth shot?.............

now how do you play this one especially when it is your eighth shot?………….

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At the prize giving a special presentation was made to two lovely people, Doreen and Christine who have been making the sandwiches every Friday, which Lynne and Neil provide free of charge.

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This was mum and Christine in the clover presented with flowers from the golf society as a thank you for making their sandwiches every Friday.

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Doreen and Christine went on stage to Neil playing the song Land of Hope and Glory, they are known as the WI girls, the ration girls , but every Friday without fail they come to work to make the sandwiches. Someone asked Doreen tonight if she will make her own sandwiches at her 90th party next year. Not to be missed.

Next week is a 4 person team event with 3 scores to count at each hole. Just a reminder that on December 19th there will be a Christmas competition, where every player should bring a wrapped present (value at least 5 euros) – everyone wins!

The blonde gambler…………………………

A beautiful Norwegian blonde walks into a Vegas casino and goes straight to the roulette table. She smiles to the two dealers and bets $20,000 on one spin.
“I hope you don’t mind,” she says in a dreamy voice, “but I feel much luckier naked…” and she peeled off all her clothes, staying completely naked.  “Come on, baby, mommy needs a new set of clothes!”
blond
The roulette wheel stops on 13. “I won I WON!!!” Shouts the blonde and jumps in the air in excitement

She collects the winnings and her clothes, hugs the dealers and disappears.

The two dealers looked at each other in shock, until one of them pulled himself together and ask: “Did she bet on 13?”
I don’t know,” said the other dealer. “I thought you were looking…
Conclusions:
 
1. Not every gamble relies on luck.
2. Not all blondes are dumb.
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Barry

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Kevin Smith 4 person team November 21st 2014

Excellent golfing conditions for the 40 players, with no wind and an overcast sky keeping the sun away. Again Paddy Kerr was in the winning team, with help from Peter Ridley, Ervin Keldorf and Peter Beatt.

 

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Paddy, Ervin and the 2 Peters flanked by sponsor Kevin and captain Dave Rollett...........

Paddy, Ervin and the 2 Peters flanked by sponsor Kevin and captain Dave Rollett………..

 

1st      118pts       Paddy Kerr, Peter Ridley, Peter Beatt, Ervin Keldorf

2nd   114pts        Sue McLellan, Geoff Hill, Chris King, Edward Doubtfire

3rd   114 pts        Neil Simpson, Les Hurren, Kevin Smith, Chris Page

 

 

Next week is an individual strokeplay event.

 

Not much to write about this week so here are a few jokes……………………

 

After poking fun last week at Scotsmen, I can take jokes about God’s own country, Yorkshire.

 

Four old retired guys are walking down a street in London. They turn a corner and see a sign that says, “Old Timers Bar – ALL drinks 10p.” They look at each other and then go in, thinking, this is too good to be true.

Graeme, the old bartender says in a voice that carries across the room, ‘Come on in and let me pour one for you!  What’ll it be, gentlemen?’

There’s a fully stocked bar, so each of the men orders a martini. In no time the bartender serves up four iced martinis-shaken, not stirred-and says, ‘That’ll be 10p each, please.’

The four guys stare at the bartender for a moment, then at each other. They can’t believe their good luck. They pay the 40p, finish their martinis, and order another round.

Again, four excellent martinis are produced, with the bartender again saying, ‘That’s 40p, please.’  They pay the 40p, but their curiosity gets the better of them. They’ve each had two martinis and haven’t even spent a £1 yet. Finally one of them says, ‘How can you afford to serve martinis as good as these for a 10p a piece?’

‘I’m a retired tailor,’ the bartender says, ‘and I always wanted to own a bar. Last year I hit the Lottery Jackpot for £25 million and decided to open this place. Every drink costs 10p. wine, liquor, beer-it’s all the same.’

‘Wow! That’s some story!’ one of the men says.

As the four of them sip at their martinis, they can’t help noticing seven other people at the end of the bar who don’t have any drinks in front of them and haven’t ordered anything the whole time they’ve been there.

Nodding at the seven at the end of the bar, one of the men asks the bartender, ‘What’s with them?’

The bartender says, ‘They’re retired people from Yorkshire. They’re waiting for Happy Hour when drinks are half-price.

 

‘Clubbers in Yorkshire have taken to using dental syringes to inject liquid Ecstasy directly into their mouths.
This dangerous process is known as ‘E by gum’

 

What’s the difference between a Yorkshireman and a coconut? You can get a drink out of a coconut ……………….

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Barry

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Yellow ball Friday November 14th 2014

Sorry no report last week, but I was in Benidorm and when I came back the laptop went sick! Virus now fixed so a bit to catch up on.

 

Villataina was a bit disappointing, with fairways overseeded, buggies had to stay on paths and the greens were not particularly good. Maybe avoid early November in future. We also played Bonalba (Alicante) which again had been overseeded with buggy restrictions, and it also rained torrentially, but just finished 5 minutes before our tee time.

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course not at its best, but still fabulous views.......

course not at its best, but still fabulous views…….

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this was 10 minutes before our tee off time at Bonalba.........

this was 10 minutes before our tee off time at Bonalba………

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Well done to our society members Dave Lloyd, Neil Simpson and Chris King for winning their matches in the Aguilon Ryder cup match against the Spanish, although their team narrowly lost. Best wishes to Paddy McKee who also qualified, but was taken into hospital before the event – get well soon Paddy. A surprise for him at the presentation – Aguilon golf presented him with a shirt and cap, and informed him he would receive automatic exemption into next year’s tournament! A very nice gesture.

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Paddy McKee with his gift from Aguilon......

Paddy McKee with his gift from Aguilon……

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Dave with the spanish bullfighter.........

Dave with the spanish bullfighter Pepin Liria………

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Chris also.........

Chris also………

 

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and Neil.............

and Neil………….

 

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The awayday at Lorca was a success, although due to dropouts the team event was cancelled and the monthly Apollo Air competition was played. Due to confusion over the format as players teed off it was decided to make the event a non-qualifier for handicap purposes.

 

Apollo Air Winner  

Mark Nalder……………………….38pts

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1st division

1st    Fred Twinet………………………………..35pts

2nd  Jan Jakobsen……………………………..32pts

3rd   Geoff Hill…………………………………. 31pts (on countback)

 

2nd division

1st    Dave Crosland………………………………..37pts

2nd  John Collins…………………………………..33pts

3rd   Jim Alwell……………………………………..32pts

 

Ladies

1st    Linda Lloyd…………………………………..33pts

 

Wooden Spoon

Phil Mather………………………………………..13pts

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Back to this week, which was a 4 person yellow ball competition.

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1st        124pts

Jan Skjold, Kristin Skjold, John Collins, Peter Reeves

 

2nd     122pts

Paddy Kerr, Roisin Kerr, Kenny Farally, Salmon Macarton

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John, Jan & Kristin - Peter was not available.....

John, Jan & Kristin – Peter was not available…..

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This is Peter............

This is Peter…………

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Kenny, Salmon, Roisin and Paddy were 2nd......

Kenny, Salmon, Roisin and Paddy were 2nd……

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An interesting tale from Peter Beatt. A stray shot from playing partner Chris Page took him unawares and struck him on his rear as he tried to avoid it, and it was travelling at a rate of knots. Everyone was concerned for his well being, but surprisingly Pater felt no pain. On inspecting the target area he found that the ball had struck his wallet which was in his back pocket. Obviously being a Scotsman he was subjected to comments about the thickness of said wallet, and the fact it was rarely used, only added to! So to avoid further injury don’t expect Peter to be flashing the cash in the Clover!

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Peter didn't remove his wallet for that pint either!.........

Peter didn’t remove his wallet for that pint either!………

 

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We have received the first few diaries for 2015 and they will shortly be available to members. The actual fixture list will be added here as soon as I have time to add it.

 

Next week is the Kevin Smith challenge, which is a team event with 2 scores to count on holes 1-6, 3 scores on holes 7-12 and all to score on holes 13-18.

 

Thanks to Mick Parsons for his contribution (below)………..

 

“My Golf Handbook
>
> I have recently completed work on my latest book on golf and am quite proud
> of the results. In order to market the publication, I’m asking
> friends and family to spread the news about this essential read. This book
> on golf gives the reader valuable playing tips and insider
> information that I have gained through my 40+ years of experience.
>
> Highlights include:
> Chapter 1) How to Properly Line Up Your Fourth Putt
> Chapter 2) How to Hit a Maxfli ball from the Rough When You Just Hit a
> Titleist from the Tee
> Chapter 3) How to Get More Distance off the Shank
> Chapter 4) When to Give the Green-Keeper the Finger
> Chapter 5) Proper Excuses for Drinking Beer before 9:00 a.m.
> Chapter 6) How to Find That Ball That Everyone Else Saw Go in the Water
> Chapter 7) How to Relax When You Are Hitting Three off the Tee
> Chapter 8) How to Relax When You Are Hitting Five off the Tee

> Chapter 9) When to Suggest Major Swing Corrections to Your Opponent
>
> The book also includes the latest GOLF TERMS
> A Paris Hilton – an expensive hole
> A Diego Maradona – a very nasty 5 footer
> A Salman Rushdie – an impossible read
> A Rock Hudson – thought it was straight, but it wasn’t
> An Adolf Hitler – two shots in the bunker
> A Yasser Arafat – ugly and in the sand
> A Kate Moss – bit thin
> A Gerry Adams – playing a Provisional
> A Rodney King – over-clubbed
> An O. J. Simpson – got away with it
> A Princess Grace – should have taken a driver
> A Princess Di – shouldn’t have taken a driver
> A circus tent – a BIG top
> A Stevie Wonder – didn’t see it

 

Barry

 

 

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Lorca Friday November 7th 2014

Sorry, mistake in last post – bus for Lorca leaves Al Kasar at 09.00 NOT 09.30.

Barry

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Sorry, not much detail this week as I have been back in the UK again, and I will be missing next week also as I spend a few days golfing etc. in Benidorm!

There were 53 players this week, and unfortunately there were also some no shows.

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Results

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Apollo Air winner

Charlie Featherstone…………………………….43pts

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1st division

1st     Jan Jakobsen………………………….39pts

2nd   Brian Scanlan………………………….38pts

3rd    Les Hurren……………………………..37pts (on countback)

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2nd division

1st     Jan Skjold………………………………37pts

2nd   Kevin Smith……………………………34pts

3rd    Ove Enger………………………………33pts

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Ladies

1st     Alicia Saunders………………………36pts (on countback)

2nd   Karin Dahl…………………………….36pts

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This week saw the members draw for October. It was won by member 45, Fred Twomey.

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In  the Aguilon golf Ryder Cup qualifiers we had 4 players who will take part in the annual competition against Spain – Paddy McKee, Dave Lloyd, Chris King and Neil Simpson. This will take place over 2 days, November 8th and 9th. Good luck to our lads!

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Next week we will be into winter golf, starting with the November Apollo Air competition. Due to our course being unavailable to us next week we will go to Lorca. The sheet is in the shop and the first 36 will get a free bus. Meet in Al Kasar car park at 09.30 on Friday.

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Not much to write about this week so here are a few jokes……………..

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I am on a whisky diet – last week I lost 3 days!

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I went to a fortune teller, and she said, ‘your future looks pretty black’. I said, ‘are you kidding?’ I’ve still got my gloves on’……..

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A drunk was driving his car down the road when a policeman stopped him. The cop said, ‘didn’t you see the arrows?’; The drunk said, ‘I didn’t even see the Indians…………..’

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Never tell people your troubles. Half of them are not interested, and the other half are glad that you are getting what is coming to you……………….

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I went to see my doctor and he asked me to lie down on the couch. I said, ‘what for?’. He said, ‘I want to sweep up’.

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Two cannibals were eating a clown. One said to the other, ‘does he taste funny to you?’

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Barry

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